Hour of Seperation
by Hinaku
Summary: The saddest feeling in the world is loving someone who used to love you. A story about the life and trials of a boy who loved too deeply and too purely, who only finds his happily ever after once he stops looking for it. LeeSaku, later LeeGaara.


Hour of Seperation

_ The wind is tossing the lilacs,  
The new leaves laugh in the sun,  
And the petals fall on the orchard wall,  
But for me the spring is done._

_--Sara Teasedale_

------------------------------------_  
_

When Orochimaru finally fell and Sound collapsed, Lee knew it was only a matter of time. It began slowly, as most disasters do, but he noticed from the start. At first she would come home just as he was setting dinner on the table. Her feet dragged as she walked and her shoulders slouched. At times her eyes were red and swollen from her tears. She never smiled anymore, so he did his best to smile for the both of them. He would chatter cheerfully over dinner as he watched her shuffle around the contents of her plate, eating more out of reflex than want or necessity. He talked on and on about nothing in particular, anything that came to mind, trying desperately to bring back the smile he had loved so much. And even as he worked tirelessly to make her happy, no matter how short the while, she continued to come home later and later, until he found himself going to bed alone, dinner cold and untouched on the table. His only indication she was coming home at all was the light indent she left beside him on the bed they had never really shared.

It was on one of these nights that he came to realize the last time anything he had to say would give Sakura a reason to smile was the morning he had told her Sasuke had returned. Even after that night, he continued to smile. He smiled as a man who smiled only as a means to keep from crying, smiled until his cheeks ached along with his heart.

The first night of Sasuke's trial, Lee wanted to be with Sakura. He did not cook the usual dinner, instead packing her a small bento before rushing to the court house. The trial itself did not concern him so he did not have clearance to attend, but even if he could only stand outside, as long as he could be there for Sakura, as long as she knew he was out there and waiting for her, offering her his strength, that was enough for him.

He arrived to find Sakura and Naruto waiting outside together, both lost somewhere inside themselves, lost to the mistakes and regrets of the past.

"S-sakura-chan," he greeted brightly, voice breathlessly quiet out of nervousness and respect for the gravity of the situation. Sakura did not seem to hear him so he cleared his throat and tried again slightly louder as he gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Sakura-chan!"

There was the usual buoyancy in his voice, though there was a certain tightness to it, like a thread pulled too taut. This time, Sakura startled as though waking from a dream.

"Lee-san," she greeted softly in return and Lee cringed inwardly, smile brightening in response. It was as though they were Genin again--young, foolish, and barely even friends.

"Ah! I brought you this incase you get hungry," he piped as though only just then remembering about the bento he had spent the better part of the evening preparing, "There's one for Naruto-kun too. I thought I would wait here until today's session is over and walk you home." Naruto failed to even blink at the mention of his name.

"It's okay, Lee-san. This doesn't involve you. Go home," Sakura shook her head, making no move to take the offered food, "I can make it home on my own."

"But Sakura-chan," Lee protested as optimistically as he could, "I swore I would protect you no matter what, if even from stubbing your toe walking home late at night! You will probably be tired, ne? I can carry you home if you like! It's the benefit of having a taijutsu master around!"

He was desperately masking his own pain, unable to even mention a claim to their relationship. He did not dare. The situation was tense enough without him bringing up something that might no longer true. Beyond that, he did not want Sakura to see how he really felt. He knew that no matter how preoccupied she was, if it came to her attention that he was somehow hurt, it would only cause her more grief. She had a right to mourn, to worry, to fret. A person's first love was always the hardest to forget and let go of, and for Sakura, that love had been Sasuke. Lee understood where she was coming from completely. After all, he had gone into their relationship knowing how uncertain the future, knowing that he was only second best (if even that), because it meant that he could be with her and care for her and make her happy, no matter how short the while.

Those times were over now.

"Go home, Lee," Sakura insisted with another firm shake of her head. As she spoke, the door opened to let them in and she turned away.

"I don't need you to protect me anymore."

Lee made no further protest and watched them go. After the door closed behind them, he set the bento down on the top step, turned, and slowly walked back toward the apartment, away from the person that had made those four walls a home.

------------------------------------

That next morning, Lee woke up to find Sakura's half of the bed untouched. Dazed, he smoothed his hand over the sheets much the same way he had yesterday morning when he last made the bed. Numbly, he reached for Sakura's pillow and buried his face into it, slowly realizing the finality of the day. And once he came to accept that it was over, he clenched the sheets in his fists and began to very softly cry, mourning the near effortless loss of something he had spent the last six years building.

"Ne, Gai-sensei," he whispered hoarsely to the empty room as the sun was finally setting, staring blankly at the shadow of the half opened blinds, "sometimes hard work isn't nearly enough."

------------------------------------

The knock that woke the Godaime came some time just before dawn, as far as she could tell. Groaning, she picked her head up off the desk, blearily wondering when she had fallen asleep. The last time she had fallen asleep while working was during her first year in office, but considering recent events, more than a few of Konoha's ninja were having trouble sleeping at night.

"Come in," she called, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Godaime Hokage-sama," the solemn youth who entered greeted formally, bowing low. One glance at his eyes told her he shared her sleepless nights, but given who it was, she was hardly surprised.

"Ah, Lee," she nodded, beckoning him to have a seat, "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Oh, yes, Tsunade-sama," he began, moving up to her desk without actually taking a seat, "I was hoping to ask you for a mission."

"Hm...?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow, "And why come to my office? The mission's desk doesn't have anything that interests you?" At that, Lee adverted his eyes.

"N-no, Tsunade-sama. I was hoping for a one-way mission."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed sharply and she straightened, casting Lee a severe look, "You want a suicide mission?" Lee only nodded as a way of response. There was a moment of silence between them before Tsunade turned away, fingers curling around a manilla folder.

"I'm afraid I can't give you one, Lee. Your reasons for wanting such a mission could compromise its success. Besides, you are too valuable to the village to waste," she replied almost harshly, voice severe but not without understanding. After a pause she sighed, closing her eyes as she rested her fingers against her temple.

"I'm sorry, Lee," she spoke quietly, voice weary. Lee's eyes widened with surprise.

"I know this is hard for you and I know it isn't fair, but that's no reason to be rash. Surely you realize it would destroy Sakura if something happened to you now?"

Lee flinched and pressed one bandaged hand against his heart, Tsunade's words sinking in. In his self-pity, he had somehow convinced himself that Sakura did not care about him at all anymore, but Tsunade was right. Taking his silence as agreement, Tsunade continued.

"If you need to get out of the village for a while, I can find you a post somewhere else. Just... be strong, okay?" briefly, Tsunade looked back as she spoke with an almost playful, teasing look in her eyes, "I'm not sure if I would be able to stand the episode Gai would have when he comes back from his mission to find you this way." Before Lee realized it, he was laughing and the Godaime was laughing and together, they stood back and each laughed in the way only people who had spent their entire lives futilely clinging to the things and people they loved to fruitless ends could. It was because of their ability to enjoy and appreciate what little they did have that they endured until today.

"Thank you," Lee smiled as the laughter finally subsided, wiping tears of sadness and joy from the corners of his eyes.

"Aa," Tsunade nodded, smiling back, "I'll send you an invoice this evening."

------------------------------------

_When I see your smile, and I know it's not for me, that's when I'll miss you._


End file.
